By Mandy Bel Air

CityGirlOnTheGo.com

I think by this point in my life I can pretty much predict when the break up speech is coming. I just look forward to the reason as to why. I am so tired of hearing the “its not you, its me” line and hearing how great I am only makes me laugh. Another pretty common one is the “I need to find myself” excuse. Which I have discovered is a total load of BS. But hey I let them use it and go with it, because as far as I am concerned if they need to use that excuse they are not smart enough to date me. I am personally very upfront when I give the farewell speech. I tell them that "I am just not into them" and let it go at that. I think they appreciate my honesty.

The most recent reason I received from a gentleman as to why we could not continue dating made me laugh out loud. Literally on the phone when he told me I started cracking up. I don’t think thats what he was expecting and caught him off guard.

Before I tell you his reason, let me give you some background on this. Bradley and I met at a Wine Bar a few months earlier. One of my favorite wine bars and a local hot spot, also the owner is great eye candy. On that particular evening I was just out with my friends when I was ordering my wine and the adorable man in the jaunty hat next to me said hello. I gave him my number because I thought the hat was a great touch. Any guy that is wearing a 3-piece suit and a fedora to a bar on a Saturday night wins points in my book. In retrospect I might have had a few too many glasses of wine and found that ensemble cuter than it actually was.

So we went on our first date, three weeks later. I think that should have totally clued me in. If you meet a person and like them, you would think that you would make time to date them. I figured he was busy and I was busy and so we were just two very busy people. Once the day finally came around for our date we had a blast. Bradley was a really nice guy and a complete gentleman, he was the kind of guy that walked on the outside of me when we were walking on the sidewalk. Totally old fashioned but love that he did that. I am pretty sure he is the only guy in San Francisco that would think to do that for a lady. My ex would walk a pace or 2 in front of me, now thats what I call a gentleman. We ended the date with a great kiss and made plans for a second date.

About a month and a half later, once again due to scheduling and a cruise with my ex boyfriend, we had our second date. This date was just as fantastic. It was perfect and we spent the evening sharing our family stories and other fun and/or embarrassing facts about ourselves. He now knows that I am the clumsiest person on the face of the planet and keeps an eye out for that. Later that night we met up with his friends for Trivia Night at Tonic. This is huge in the dating world. It is a chance for you to meet his friends to check him out and make sure he is not a total psycho. Its also a chance for the friends to meet you and this is a total make or break moment. If the friends don’t like you from the first meeting you are totally doomed. And also you have to do well at Trivia or you are never being asked back. Thankfully the night went well, his friends were wonderful and thought I was wonderful. And I got asked back to Trivia Night!

Apparently I made quite an impression because he asked me to spend New Years with him. Now, this is pretty huge, not only was it going to be our 3rd date but it was New Years Eve. This is the night that makes or breaks your year. If you have a miserable New Years then dating karma states that your dating life is going to suck that year, but if its spent with a great guy and you have an amazing evening then your data karma is going to be great. At least that is what the Yoda of dating has said “Make or break your dating, New Years will”.

New Years turned out to be a fabulous evening starting with a dinner party with friends and toasting to 2011 at the Pourhouse. It was such a fabulous evening with a very great guy and good friends and it all looked so promising. On New Years Day we went to the Presidio Social Club for Brunch wandered out to the beach and then finished off to day with cocktails at Presidio Social Club. A great follow up to a wonderful New Years Eve.

With the promise of another date he dropped me off at home and we went our separate ways. Unfortunately my immune system was not on my side and I was home bound for a week due to a wicked cold. Followed immediately by a very fun conference in Vegas it was going to be a while before we could schedule another date. Not too bummed because during my time in Vegas I realized that Bradley was nice, but not enough spark to continue this. I figured I would try one more date to see if the spark hit before having to give the “I’m just not into you” speech. That is definitely one of my favorites. Its quick easy and painless. The fourth date and my speech never happened.

After playing phone tag for 3 days upon my return from Vegas I finally received the awkward call. Its the one where for the first few minutes you awkwardly chat about current events and the weather and what you have been up to, politely asking questions until the final moment when you are both completely silent. My call followed that exact pattern.

“So, um, hope you had a good time in Vegas” Bradley started and then followed up with a huge pause. “So I wanted to talk to you” Yayyyy, I totally knew what was coming next. “I really need to take this time to focus on myself and my career and figure out where I am going”. It was such a lame excuse that I burst out laughing. I am pretty sure he did not appreciate that but he continued his explanation “My current job is in flux at the moment and due to the economy I am not sure where I am headed and you are a great person and I need to focus on myself”. Wait, what?!?! Did he just use the economy as an excuse to no longer date me? Now that is fantastic. That is truly original and I have not heard that before. I give him credit for that one.

So the conversation continued on with him apologizing “You are really great, I just need to figure myself out. I am sorry” and me laughing and offering him advice “You just need to figure out what you really want to do and where you want to go…blah blah blah”.

After what felt like forever and a lot of very great Dr Phil-esque advice on my side we finally end the conversation with the classic line “We can still remain Facebook friends”.