Puma-licious
By Mandy Bel Air
So its a Friday night and what am I doing…. I am running through Pier 39 in the pouring rain in a little black dress and stilettos trying to keep my freshly flat ironed hair from turning into a curly mess. I knew I should have brought my umbrella with me, but I just didn’t want to carry it. Now, as a San Francisco resident you may be wondering what in the world has brought me to Pier 39 late on a Friday night. I avoid this place like the plague during the day and really have no reason to wander over here late at night.
I am heading to Neptune’s Palace at the end of Pier 39 for the first Annual Puma Party. And what exactly is a Puma Party, you may ask? Well according to the official guide to Cougar-dom a Puma is a female between the ages of 30 and 40 who likes to date men under the age of 30. The age range for a Cougar is 40 plus and likes to date men under 35. This is not an accurate science and everyone has their varying opinions on the Cougar-ness of a woman. This Puma Party is targeted towards the San Francisco women who are between 30 and 40 with a promise that there will be “cubs” there for the women to flirt with. Cubs are listed as men under 30. Throw in the chance to be crowned Miss Puma and win a trip to Hedonism and my friends and I could not say no. We wanted to see the train wreck that was going to ensue. I would claim that the only reason that I went was for “research” purposes, but why lie, I wanted to see some hot young guys and laugh at the old chicks hitting on them. Myself included.
Sadly, that was not the case with this event. Yes, there were definitely Cougars roaming around and about 5 Pumas and a lot of older creepy looking guys. The older creepy guys was a little unexpected, since the flyer had advertised “cubs”. I was really hoping for some cute 20 year olds. The 300 pound older gentleman in the cowboy hat mauling the buffet of chicken wings and teriyaki meatballs was not what I was expecting. I guess when you send out an event invite that is directed at 30 to 40 year old women then you are going to get a large amount of older men who see this as their chance to score. I mean what guy doesn’t want a lady who is going to an event strictly to meet younger men? Those older guys have no chance but its at least fun to watch.
Another really entertaining part of this event is the crowning of Miss Puma. At the end of the evening the most popular girl will be crowned Miss Puma and win a trip to Hedonism for the Annual Cougar Week. Now, in order to win the coveted title of Miss Puma you must be voted on by the gentlemen in attendance. Each guy is given a coin at the beginning of the event and throughout the evening they give their coin to their favorite girl. The girl with the most coins at the end of the evening wins the title of Miss Puma!
A shocking twist to this evening of giggles was that the cutie that I dated last summer was at this event too. My little Dutch hottie and his buddies showed up about halfway through the event and it truly shocked me. Thankfully we ended things on good terms, basically by me calling and saying I wasn’t that into him and him asking for break up sex. He was such a funny man. He had seen the evite and thought this would be a good place to pick up chicks. He was just as shocked as I was at the serious misrepresentation of the attendees. In order to salvage the evening and add a little fun my Dutch Hottie and his buddies pooled their coins and decided to back me. As one of the friends stated, “I want to back a winning horse”. Ouch was I just called a horse?
I decided to ignore that and in the spirit of the evening and with my competitive nature I went for it. I decided I wanted to win this silly little prize of Miss Puma. It added a little flair to the evening and since I had about ten minutes until they announced the winner I had some serious work to do in order to get these coins. Some guys gave away their coins easily, other guys really held on to them like they were the Golden Ticket to get them into the Puma Factory. I mean really? Are you going to actually meet the girl of your dreams here, give her your coin, get her phone number, fall madly in love, get married and live happily ever after. How do you explain to your kids thats how you met Mommy?
And the next Miss Puma is……… not going to be me. I admit that I am a little bummed about this and a little upset about the way the winner got her coins. The girl who won did so by having her friends collect coins and they pooled them together to give her an ego boost. Thats nice of her friends to do that for her, but those guys who gave up their coins hoping for love are going to be sadly disappointed.
Overall the night was pretty entertaining, I came away with 2nd runner up as Miss Puma and the Dutch Hottie wants to grab drinks. Maybe we will try it again.